Knowing your customers and building a great team are important, but they pale in comparison to the one essential component of all great startups – the CEO’s diet.
Simply being vegan or paleo just won’t cut it. To be a stellar startup CEO, you need an eccentric, potentially life-threatening diet. Here are some of our favorites.
The walrus meat diet: the CEO begins each morning by consuming roughly 21 pounds of raw, grade A, organically-fed, cage-free walrus meat. Great diet for CEOs with trouble commanding a room.
Business plan competition diet: many of us were at our best submitting a business plan at our university. On this diet, the CEO survives on jalapeño poppers, deviled eggs and ginger ale to recapture the brilliance they displayed at their university business plan competition.
The bird seed diet: the CEO eats his or her own weight in bird seeds every day.
Baby food diet: our minds are most pliable when we are toddlers. Can baby food bring this back? Of course it can.
The Hummingbird diet: this one is for the CEO whose motto is, “I’ll sleep when I’m dead.” Hummingbirds are amazing creatures, flapping their wings at a rate of 50 times per second. Like the hummingbird, the CEO partaking in this diet will subsist only off of sugared water, preferably consumed out of a ceiling-mounted filter.
Hunter gatherer diet: the CEO only eats things he picks off a plant or kills with a spear.
Midnight bagel diet: the CEO gets up in the middle of the night and fixes herself a bagel with cream cheese, not eating again until the next night.
Scottish clansman diet: the CEO only consumes foods cooked in congealed pigs blood. Storaway smoothie anyone?
The Yoda-Dagobah diet: involves stealing morsels from stranded, lost pilots, usually while chastising said pilots for the low nutritional content of the said morsels.
Boiled boot leather diet: CEOs love to talk about taking over the world. This diet brings the CEO into the mindset of someone who literally tried to take over the world: Napoleon Bonaparte. When Napoleon’s invasion of Russia met with Winter, his troops survived by eating the boiled leather from old boots, and you will too.